My Own Personal Verizon Repairman

Last week my phone went dead.  I called Verizon.  Ten minutes later a black-clad Verizon tech support SWAT team swooped in by helicopter, jumped out and rushed my Network Interface Device with screwdrivers drawn.

Dontcha’ wish?

The reality, of course, is that when I called Verizon I was put through the usual self-service test to determine whether the problem was in their network or my inside wiring.  (I’d already done the test and knew the answer.) Then I had to wait another 15 minutes for a service rep to come to the phone.  When it was unmistakably clear to him that the phone didn’t work and the problem was my wiring, not Verizon’s, the agent conceded that it would be necessary to do what for all large telcos is the unthinkable — schedule a service visit.

“How about next Tuesday?”

“A week from tomorrow?!   Are you kidding me? ”

He wasn’t.   The best part: The Verizon tech would arrive “sometime between the hours of 8am and 7pm.”

Grumbling, I hung up and went outside to do my usual low tech jury-rig fix: stringing a line from the Network Interface Device to the phone, and covering the NID with a freezer baggy in case it rained.  Worked just fine. The week came and went and I forgot all about my phone troubles until Monday, when Verizon’s outbound service automaton called with a reminder about the next day’s service visit.

Tuesday came and went.  No repairman. Verizon’s automaton called again. The repairman would show up the next day.  I had to listen for a minute or two and keep entering prompts to confirm that the new date was okay and that someone would be present.  Can you visualize the smoke coming out of my ears?

Wednesday at about 2pm George the Verizon repairman pulled up the driveway.  After I explained the problem, George dove into the crawlspace, spliced a new wire in, and had the problem fixed in under 30 minutes.  Great service! — almost SWAT-like.  All the same, my mind was made up.

I pushed the crawlspace door shut and locked George in.

I have no beef with George, who did a great job.  He’s a good guy and we’re becoming friends.  It’s not his fault that Verizon is too cheap to adequately staff its support team.

I suspect that like many other companies, Verizon’s defense is that the economy has forced staff cutbacks.  But why should customers pay the price?  If anything, Verizon should be going out of its way to maintain or — heaven forbid — even improve service when times are tough.

Meanwhile, George goes free one week from today, some time between the hours of 8am and 7pm.

Except for the part about hijacking George, this is a true story and one that I’m sure replicates the experiences of many other customers.  No sane person goes around kidnapping service techs.  But if someone did, would the phone company even notice?

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